Thursday, July 22, 2010

I dream everything I have fits in a backpack...

I lived in the US for 18 months, day by day, thinking this moment would take longer to come, that it was in a very distant future. But it’s here. It’s time to pack and go home. And those are two scary – for lack of a better word – things to do. I’m not a great shopper, and I really don’t mind getting rid of things (if it’s not my books) so I shouldn’t have had problems. But it turns out a year and a half made me have a lot of absolutely necessary stuff.
I’m trying to be cool about all this, but each drawer emptied is like a Pandora box of surprises and memories (like the winter boots that are so warm and cute and I have no idea when I’m going to see snow again! Not to mention how the heck I’m going to fit them in my suitcase?). Now I look at my (ex) room and it’s so empty, impersonal, ready for the new AuPair to take her place.
I do my chores thinking it`s only one more week to go and then I`m not an AuPair anymore. I`m just Ana. One more week… and I`ll miss these wonderful kids so much!
I came here to find myself. Yeah, that`s a damn ambitious thing to do in 18 months. I thought I could figure everything out and go back home absolutely sure of who I am and what I`ll do. Guess what? That`s not how life works. I lost myself in lazyness and fun. But also in great trips and friendships. It was worthy. I allowed myself to have the time of my life.
I don`t even need to mention how much I grew mature and independent. Stronger, but in some ways, more sensitive. Being away messed my heart up!
As I try not to think too much of how I`m going to miss the friends I made, the lifestyle I got so used to and try not to feel that going home is a step back in my life, I go in practical mode, researching – jobs, universities, opportunities. I think about my book, about seeing my family and old friends. I think, think, think and I wish there was a little button to switch it off.

(Ana Elisa)

4 comments:

Camila M. said...

So go ahead. Back to home and try to find yourself again...

Mr Wu said...

my wish? to have you back with us. even bigger wish? to have you back to yourself. luvya!

Auíri Au said...

greats

Bárbara Lua said...

Jeez, coming back to Brazil totally sucks! LOL When I came back from high school i was really mad at everyone, like it was their fault that i had to come back. Poor friends and family. I kinda got used to, but now i want to go back to the US as an Au Pair. :D
The first month's the worse, but you'll get (re)used to it.